300
I can't believe how poor this film is.
You don't need to have read Sun Tzu's "The Art of War", Machiavelli's "Dell'arte della guerra" or even played on Rome Total War to realise that the warefare in 300 had no tactics whatsoever. This is totally unsatisfactory, considering this is an adaptation of the Battle of Thermopylaie, when vastly out-numbered Spartan hopilites out-manouvred the Persians in one of the most famous last stands in history.
I'm no film connosseur, and I don't watch innovative indie art films. I was prepared to overlook the pathetic dialogue and boring plot as long as it redeemed itself with the "Lord of the Rings"/"Kingdom of Heaven" style epic battles scenes I had expected when I watched the trailer.
Instead it was just close-up filming of Leonidas and (at most) ten other Spartans slashing at ethnic minorities, and making "hwargh" sounds whenever they reach a milestone of kills (that's the level of dialogue you should expect when watching this film).
And I know that a great deal has been made about how the film misrepresents the Persians in history, and how it's propaganda for the war in Iraq. At the time, I thought: "That's a load of bollocks". But having watched the film, I have to admit, they have a point.
I saw nothing wrong with King Leonidas hacking at waves of Iraqi insurgent look-a-likes, but Xerxe's special guard (The Immortals) were taking the piss a bit.
They looked like Taliban wearing mongol masks carrying samurai swords. I mean that's pretty far-fetched to begin with, but when they took off their masks, they looked like extras from Resident Evil (You see them in the trailer, but not their zombie faces). Although they look like your Asian stereotype of super-warriors, underneath it all they are bloodthirsty zombies. I can see how associating Asians with pure evil can be a tad insulting.
And let's not forget the monsters, and African animals (it was a joke how little they featured, and how unexciting they were). And Xerxes himself who's a 7-foot freaky homosexual with a very camp voice synthesised so that it's deep.
I can't see how anyone could be so shallow as to like this film (unless you enjoy looking at chiselled abs. In which case, this film must have been incredibly enjoyable).
16 comments:
The joke potential is pretty high too. Face it, a bunch of retrosexual men running around grunting and yelling a single word. Makes for perfect parody.
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=231
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhNKY2GwM_M
You have to scroll all the way down for this one, and you also need to read the previous few entries for it to make sense. But eh, its a fun comic.
http://www.holybibble.net/index.php?id=198
I thought the trailer was shit. I certainly wasn't going to see the film.
Oh and don't listen to the people who say 'Wild Hogs' is watchable crap.
Go and see for yourself
It really is watchable crap but you can't fully appreciate that unless you see for yourself.
Jason Overbeck, over at his brilliant Music and Film review site "Bent Clouds" gave 300 only 18 out of a possible 100, which is amazing considering that that puts it as being marginally better than the truly terrible "Smokin' Aces", which got 16.
A friend of mine said it was pretty good, and thus confirmed my lingering suspicion that he is, in fact, a jaffa. If you haven't heard "That Mitchell and Webb Sound", i realise how politically incorrect that may seem.
Anyway, i'd recommend always checking out his site before you go and see a film, as he invariably turns out to be right about them. You can see it here:
http://www.bentclouds.com/
Alternatively, you Could go and view my marginally superior music review site, on which i have just proclaimed the discovery of what is certain to be The "choon" of 2007:
http://folkdeath95.blogspot.com/
I couldent get my head round it,after all the hype it was a battle film with special effects,watched 88 mins with Al Pachino in it that was boss also smokin ace's loads of blood and snot,ye cant go wrong with type of film.lol.
shoufarn: Those are hilarious! Youtube was the best thing to happen to the internet...
tickersoid: The trailer for Wild Hogs look's awful so I'm not even gonna bother downloading it.
leo: I have no idea what a jaffa is...
I've added your new site to the blogroll.
gaz: yeah, so much hype, so little action. A total dissapointment.
jaffa: shirt-lifter, nancy-boy, fudge-packer, gaybo, (insert incredibly un-P.C. term)
I heard the visual effects in the film are fantastic. So fantastic that many people are willing to ignore its other more prominent and glaring flaws.
But they still didn't sound appealing enough to persuade me to fork out money on a ticket.
leo: oh, you southerners! None of those words seem un-PC at all... (although I am comparing it to what people get called in the North).
maio: The visual effects are mediocre. The first hour of the film was sheer boredom and the fight itself was dissapointing.
those were just the ones i could bring myself to put on a reputable blog such as this. the ones they use at my school do not bear repeating.
but then again, youre probably right when you say that ours are quite mild compared to the North...
Never saw it. But I DO enjoy chiseled abs...
Well, it seems I'm the only one shallow enough to actually LIKE the movie. And I'm not ashamed of it, and I would never dare try to convince you it's good. It's just that I liked the story. Maybe it's not the way it was told. The actual facts were even more exciting. And it put a smile on my face when I remembered my Universal History teacher saying "history is not solemn. People do flip-flaps while writing it"
leo: the north is a scary, cold and cruel place to live...
How I wish I was living in the south.
idbug: so do I... ;) (I kid of course...)
usual stuff: It was just the historical accuracy. It was also the lack of any engaging dialogue. It didn't even have decent action in it!
lol. Don't worry too much. I'm not trying to convice anybody. But I must confess that my taste sucks. I still like 'Daredevil', even tough I know it's a bad movie!
usual stuff: I'm incredibly picky with the films I like. I think I enjoy moaning about the film more than watching it!
Were you a fan of the film "the hulk" by any chance? ;)
No way. If we may agree that one movie was bad, it must be that one. It sucked big time.
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