Horror Films and The Truth About Torquer
Have I become really desensitised, or have horror films become really un-scary of late? I went to town last Saturday with a few friends in the hope of buying some new clothes but ended up loitering until six, then being forced to watch "The Messengers" at the shitty Odeon (which cost me £8.30 in total - almost the same price I paid for the two sexy T-shirts I bought that day).
After watching "The Messengers", I have decided: a.) to never go to the rip-off Odeon ever again b.) never watch a rated 15 horror film ever again. I sat through the film bored out of my mind, trying to scare my mates by proving commentary (which didn't go down too well).
Horror films have no creativity these days - they all seem to follow the same rules. For example, the little pale blue ghost boy that looks like it's been rotting in a stagnated lake for months. I remember seeing the same thing in the Grudge (except the one in the Grudge was less CGI'd) so I got a distinct feeling of deja vu (both were about families moving into derelict houses, only to be freaked out by the ghost kid who happens to haunt the place) when watching this. The idea of the creepy little kid has been so over-used it's about as scary as Casper.
And the boring shock tactics - I see no point in something jumping at me unless it's really unexpected. They build it up with slow movement and dramatic music but when it comes to the actual shock part it's just so anti-climatic. Perhaps I'm just nit-picking but horror films have become so samey and boring.
So if I ever watch a horror film ever again, it'll be an 18. None of that namby-pamby 15 rated stuff for me.
Afterwards, I was a little concerned about Torquer who had been impassive throughout the film - he hadn't moved a muscle and looked like he had been in a coma.
Only then did it dawn on me - Torquer's house was haunted.
It made so much sense: his exploding television, his mum hurling herself off a flight of stairs in the night, his shelves flying off his wall (I'm not making this up, Torquer told me himself)... Hilarious calamities that are completely unconnected? Or something more sinister?
And I've just remembered - his family bought the house cheap after the previous residents died in "mysterious circumstances". I wouldn't be surprised if his walls dripped with blood in the night and ghouls flied out of his cellar (I assume he has a cellar. It's probably boarded up to hide the hidden Indian burial ground the house was built on).
No wonder Torquer is so weird and charges people for pencils. The paranormal activities in his house must have addled his brain, causing him to persue such unusual past times such as lemon-growing, Formula 1 watching and Ikea assembling.
As soon as he comes back from Nottingham, I'll quiz him on this.
In other news, I met Mikel Arteta and Tim Cahill whilst shopping in the Met Quarter! But I'll save that for another post.
18 comments:
Ratings mean nothing. 18s are just the same as 15s. The only difference is that there's more gratuitous violence and gore.
Personally, i think the best movies are post-apocalyptic ones like Children of Men and 28 Days Later.
When you compare the chilling portrait of the human race having lost the ability to reproduce (Children of Men), with lots of people getting nasty things done to them (any hollywood horror movie from the past 5 years) i think you'll find the former comes out on top.
Also, go see the new Danny Boyle movie "Sunshine" - it's supposed to be great.
Those movies only state our final confesion on the fact that we fear those little creepy monsters modern parents have been raising. On the other hand, really good horror movies rely more on the story than on the special effects. Real horror is subtle, not obvious. You should try to see "The hand that rocks the craddle". It's not horror, but a wonderful thriller.
PS: I followed your advice. Hope you like it. Now I've got a pic!
I remember watching the grudge on my pc with headphones on lights off and drinking large amounts of bud and i was scared shitless!but as you say theirs nothing new these days,same old story,different actors?
leo: I liked 28 Days Later, but I thought it would have been much better on a higher budget (would have preferred more special effects.)
I was planning to watch Sunshine instead of The Messengers, but peer pressure persuaded me to watch the latter.
the usual stuff: I agree, the plot is extremely important. The whole "family moves into a haunted house and doesn't believe in ghosts" thing is getting old.
Like the pic. I always did like the HMV logo.
gaz: all films are ten times scarier in the dark on ya bill! But I still can't see how you can be scared by that little emo kid!
What I hate the most are those movies where the skeptic becomes a believer. Do you have to 'believe' to understand what is happening around you? Puah!
I've never seen a true horror film, but seeing the picture of the ghost boy from the Grudge reminded me of the spoof they did of that movie in Scary Movie 4 (which I haven't seen either.) It just strikes me as funny, because my Yosakoi coach loved the spoof, which makes fun of speaking Japanese, even though he is Japanese. I guess that had really nothing to do with your post.
Carry on...
I don't like Horrors meself. I don't mind Thrillers - with a lot of tension.
To answer your soccer question...unless, as a woman you represent NZ, you don't get paid to play. I just play in a local league, first division. When I was younger I represented our city a few times and played in National Tournaments.
Only recently one of our men's clubs got 'taken over' by a very rich guy and now it's players/coaches/managers get paid - but that is rare. And he's imported some players too.
The National League players get paid. Have you heard of Jeremy Brockie??? Plays for NZ? He's a local - really nice kid too. He has blonde dreadlocks - keep an eye out for him if you watch that kind of footy. =)
IiiiiiiiiiiiiH! *runs & hides*
Ugh, I hate horror films!! And not b/c they're not scary, or anything, just that...well, my imagination tends to get away from me later when I'm in bed, alone, in the dark, Yeek!
usual stuff: what annoys me the most is when everything is hunky-dory after the ghosts leave. I'd have been pretty damn traumatised!
greta: The scary movie films started off pretty bad and have got worse and worse. Personally, Shawn of the Dead is the best horror spoof ever!
kb: wow, you must be pretty good!
There are some decent NZ players I remember, but the team is generally poor lol. Still, probably better than the Chinese national team.
crash: yeah, scary no?
idbug: i'm too cynical for all that nonsense ;)
Meeting Arteta and Cahill whilst shopping in the MetQuarter? If my memory serves me right you only got about 300 yards close to them.
Did you actually buy anything in the MetQuarter? You nearly fainted when you saw the price tags in the Animal shop. Mind you I nearly did as well.
See, my house has much more character than your's Jingo. My mother may fall down the stairs, and shelves fall off walls but at least I can use my oven!
Readers may like to know, Jingo's oven contains a centimetre thick layer of grease - kinda resembles his hair...
Did you watch The Omen? The one starring Julia Stiles? It was so boring that I was practially counting down to the end of the movie throughout the entire show!
Anyway, movie themes that revolve around the supernatural often fail to scare me. Thrillers like Saw did manage to give me nightmares though, because they have a much deeper psychological impact... They compel you to imagine yourself in that kind of situations. And sadistically I love watching them.
practically*
My first ever horror film was Child's Play, where a possessed DOLL went around killing people. As ridiculous as it may sound, i had nightmares and until this day, i still can't stare straight into a doll's eyes without recalling a few scenes from the film.
A few years later, i thought i would've gotten over horror films, but THE RING proved me wrong.
Thrillers are so much more interesting.
Torquer: shame on you for having such a cheap dig at me. I'm trying to break world records with that kitchen!
maio: yeah the Omen was awful. Although admitted it did give me a shock with that part where the image flashes in the mirror - but that was because it was totally unexpected considering how boring it was.
I'm a big fan of Saw as well. And Shawn of the Dead, that was hilarious!
sciurine: Victorian dolls are quite scary, and jack in the boxes with the creepy little jingle - now those are really scary!
£8:30 just for the film? You should contact a Trading Standards office I reckon.
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