15 March 2007

A Buffet is a Buffet is a Buffet

Imagine me striding through the darkness in Liverpool city centre; Uni students stumble out of pubs vomitting or cackling inanely as I stare in awe at the neon lights and gaudy nightclubs. In all my years living in Liverpool, this is the first time I've been to this part of town; perhaps it's because of the unsavoury rabble that seem to loiter around this area, or the high likelihood that i'll get mugged if I walk around, looking dazed, by myself in the dark.

Did I mention I was wearing my school uniform? So there I was, walking through Liverpool in my blazer looking a total ponce, as students of varying levels of drunkeness give me odd looks.

So why was I risking my life amist the bustle of Liverpool nightlife? Well, for some unknown reason, my Dad was taking some business colleagues to some swanky new buffet that had just opened and he suggested I join him. Since there'd be no one at home to cook I had the difficult choice of deciding whether to go home and starve, or navigate through Liverpool's drunk quarter then endure my dad's boring company for an hour.

I managed to make it through the city without being knifed and when I reached the buffet, I was quite impressed. The place was huge and the food smelt good and the waitresses were all very pretty.

But when I went up to get some food, I realised that a buffet is a buffet is a buffet. As swanky as this place was, it was still a buffet and that meant generic anglo-chinese food that you have to get yourself and bring back to your small table that too close to the other tables and so you can hear everyone else's boring conversation. I don't like using stereotypes, but I was surrounded by thieving scousers; whole tables were stuffed with them as they traded stories about thuggery and drunkeness and the number of ASBOs they had "won".

Nevertheless, I ate until I was bursting and look forward to going back there to stuff my face.

22 comments:

ShouFarn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ShouFarn said...

Which just goes to show that cheap buffets are virtually the same everywhere.

I have it on good authority (me) that it is the same in Malaysia. Except here it will be scrunchy eyed aunties in flamboyant garish clothes chattering on inanely about who and who is paying exorbitant amounts of money to teachers to teach their kids exactly the same things they are taught in school.

The food usually goes out during the end of the second rush.

Greta said...

Chinese buffets are the bane of my existence. It's too bad about the atmosphere in the buffet you mentioned, but as you said...it IS a buffet.

I'm liking the new layout as well...good job on that.

thethinker said...

I have yet to visit a buffet that does not fit the description you've provided. But, the food is cheap and there is definitely enough of it, so I go anyway.

The Usual Stuff said...

Families surrounded by a pack of ravenous, noisy and mean little brats are the common place. The food? You name it. Whether Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Thai (slurp!), buffets are the weekend rendez-vous of Mexican families.
Pity I'm on a diet, or you could see what a good sport I used to be.

ldbug said...

True, buffets are the same everywhere. They aren't realy worth it to me, I don't eat enough! But to a young growing young man, hell, a buffet pays for itself:-)

Glad you made it safely!!!

b. said...

i think you're awesome Jing.

much smiles,
baileye.

Crashdummie said...

school uniform? How adoreble! ;)
Have a wicked weekend.

Jingo said...

shoufarn: I'm beginning to believe that there's a guild of chinese buffet somewhere that makes all chinese buffets follow the same rules and menu!

greta: yes, it is a buffet. At that price, I wasn't too bothered.

thinker: The thing I hate the most is how they have to cram everyone. People need their space while eating!

usual stuff: whenever I see kids at chinese buffets, they always get chips. Why on earth would you go to any type of foreign restuarant just to eat the same things at home?

idbug: buffet owners must hate students! But I'm trying to cut down lately, I've got this feeling that sooner or later my youthful metabolism will stop...

baie: well I think you're awesome too!

crash: yes, my navy blue blazer is rather fetching ;)

Anonymous said...

"...and the waitresses were all very pretty."

well, aside from the food, that is the most important thing to notice while eating out. ;)

Anonymous said...

oh crap, i just read that comment again and realized it sounds a little...

ah well, maybe you didn't even think about it that way.

Gaz said...

I know where youre coming from,me and the mrs were eating out once and the guy on the next table was trying to impress his bird by how loud he could fart and not be bothered about it.

Jingo said...

ktbangs: you'd need to be really sick minded to interpret it that way! ;)

gaz: That's hilarious? And what did the girl think about all this?

Anonymous said...

I am insensed by your saying "thieving scousers". It is a dated sterotype that Liverpool is the hell hole of UK. Actually it is quite decent in comparison with Manchester, Sheffield, Leeds and other big cities in the North. You do not have to bash Liverpool for many social ills which are also abundant in other big cities, to say least of the ordinary people there.

Jingo said...

I think it is reasonable of me to call them "thieving scousers" if they are scousers, and they are talking about robbery and trading police statements with one another.

and I am technically a scouser so big deal...

Liverpool is decent. I should know, SINCE I LIVE HERE. And I'm allowed to bash the place I live. It's not like a have an uninformed view.

KATHBEE said...

I LOVE buffets - I always eat WAY too much and try almost everything - and here they have Chinese food/fried food/salad/lots of meat/roast/seafood/casserole/mashed or boiled spud/pickles, relishes, sauce, mayo.....it goes on & on & on...and THEN there's the pudding.....actually I've only been once in the last million years, but I enjoyed it!!

Funny post. Again. :)

Anonymous said...

I guess all the buffet stuff was dead - at our local Chinese they had a "kill your own night" a few weeks ago - with lobsters, crabs,prawns, polar bear cubs, big fish things, herring gulls etc. I guess this is why Mu Tai went to jail and has been kinda down recently.

Jingo said...

kb: casserole at a chinese buffet? Now that is strange...

Mutley: When I was in China, I ate live prawns and lobsters. Did not like it at all.

Michael Colvin said...

Hi there, I just found your blog. It's good.

I haven't been to a buffet since I saw a guy at The Luxor in Vegas carry back to his table all the foods of the world plus three puddings all on the same plate. I wanted to just vomit and leave.

Gaz said...

The mrs wasent the slightest bit amused but the fellas chick was well impressed,couldent stop laughing?

Steven said...

A buffet is a buffet is a buffet is crap.

You left off a part. ;)

Steve~

Jingo said...

tod: Now that just sounds disgusting... Sweet and savoury just don't mix.

Thanks for dropping by!

gaz: haha were the people on the other table as amused as her?

buffet: well... it may be crap but all you can eat, who can deny the awesomeness of that?