Cruel and Unusual Names
The cruelest thing a parent can do, and the easiest way of alienating your child for the rest of their life, is by giving them an unusual name. It is guarenteed that once the child is literate and old enough to understand their parents silly notions, they will attribute every miserable moment of their life to the day their parents decided: "We have ideas above our station, let's name our kids after sci-fi characters and cities and other crazy things just to be different" . Do parents ever consider this, when naming their children "Gandalf"?
Of course, it's not always to be different; it's totally acceptable to name you children after your idols (e.g. calling your child Steven because you are a fan of LFC and like Steven Gerrard). But what happen if your hero has an odd name that people could make fun of? For example Nwankwo Kanu, I love the guy but I wouldn't name any of my kids after him; kids would chase after him chanting n-WANK-wo, n-WANK-wo.
A friend of mine was walking through Toxteth once (how he came out alive I'll never know) and he had overheard a mother, who called to her two girls: "Come back Beyonce! Shakira!" He found it hilarious and when I heard the story I found it vaguely funny as well. Naming one of them after a superstar would be ok, but two.... It just conjures up funny images in peoples minds.
Personally, I blame the celebrities for this naming phenomenon (Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's daughter Apple... wtf?). These people should be setting an example in naming their children, instead of trying to be different. Surely they must know that whatever they name their children, others will copy it in blind idol worship?
Orlando Bloom... fine I guess. Lourdes Leon (Mad-onna's daughter)... pushing it. What next? Liverpool Johnson?
Sarah Malone, of findmypast.com had this to say about the subject:
"It seems that many of us are happy to take hero worship to a while new level, naming our children adter the stars we admire. It would appear that the British sense of humour is alive and well with Gandalf, Harry Potter and Superman"
Parents should try and exercise this "British humour" more often. I'd love to meet a few Harry Potters (I can just about imagine the fangirls-cum-mothers...). What a laugh that would be!
But the funniest name was that of a James Bond fan (who inspired this post), who recently and officially changed his name to:
How much of a kick could he possibly get from from introducing himself as "Bond, James Bond"? Everyone would think he's a gimp and it'd be a bugger to fill out tax forms.James Dr No From Russia With Love Goldfinger Thunderball You Only Live Twice On Her Majesty's Secret Service Diamonds Are Forever Live And Let Die The Man With The Golden Gun The Spy Who Loved Me Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Octopussy A View To A Kill The Living Daylights Licence To Kill Golden Eye Tomorrow Never Dies The World Is Not Enough Die Another Day Casino Royale Bond
In conclusion, when I have children I'll give them good, unmockable names. I'll leave the weird names for my pets.
74 comments:
lol!! Saw the new film today - tis brill!!
yeah I saw it yesterday. It was great but i'm still torn about Daniel Craig being Bond... he just seems too old. I mean how many films can we get out of him?
There are real names that are normal in the person's own culture but are very odd to outsiders. I read one Thai has the world's longest name that actually tells a short family story.
Names are names. No big deal.
But people can be very cruel.
Hey i'm looking 4ward to saw3,James Bond has always bn a middle aged guy,i think thats part of the sofistication stuff.....about the names,Pete whilie from the "mighty Wah" named his daughter "Mersey" what a scoucer?
I particularly took an offence with your comments on Kanu's name. Yet, Kanu name is cool, just like I can name my son after him. I many not have to call him Nwakwo, Kanu is cool. Besides, it could be a middle name or simply an initials.
I'm not saying Kanu isn't cool, I practically worship the guy. If you clicked the link you would have read all the good stuff I had to say about him.
I'm just making the point that when naming people don't realise the devastating effects it could have on their children
I'm looking forward to SAW III as well. But Bond should be young for his first mission.
Mersey is an awful name, especially since it's associated with Liverpool.
Hello Jingoistic,
My brother was named Bryan by my cruel and twisted parents. Naturally, he was a social outcast from the outset, and went on to become the Blue Sheep of the family, joining the Met (oh the shame!!!). Of course, it might all have worked out this way regardless, because he's a twat! The name can't have helped though...
P.S. Thanks for your comment on my subsidiary blog. Asda - the racist bastards!
~ DeBunkem
What's cruel about a name? It's just a sound and a bundle of letters.
That big yellow smiling face has always mocked me, everytime I shop at that damn place.
Oh and Mr Niss, surely you of all people should understand? lol.
I asked my daughter about this subject. Keith said that she has never experienced any problems viz. her name.
No to bland cultural conformity and the rule of the Sensible! "If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done," said Mr. Ludwig Wittgenstein (before changing the lightbulb with the shower on...). That is the view of The Shack.
Cheers!
~ DeBunkem
... and another thing, Mr. Jingoistic. What is an 'unmockable name'? I reckon most things are mockable(sic.) myself. ;)
I like your blog mate. It has something to say, whether we agree with it or not. And you are big enough to take on board the opinion of others. That takes balls.
Respect!
~ DeBunkem
PS. Have you ever checked out my main blog, 'Rambling in The Weedy Shack'? The URL is: http://welikeweedswedo.blogstream.com/
Yeah I frequent your blog on the blogstream as well as the one on blogger. I am often amazed at how you are capable of writing enough original material for both your blogs.
I would comment on the blogstream one except it's being awkward and won't let non members commemt. I find your blog and your blogging friends (Fat northern bastard) hilariously funny. Shame really I can't communicate with you people over there.
I'm glad you've been in both rooms of The Shack. Yeh, it's a right pain in the arse that Blogstream doesn't allow external contributions - but it does have its strengths (eg. folk are much more inclined to comment & visit. For instance, I had a blog there before, and had +10,000 hits in only a few months ). That's our rationale for linking the two networks together (or should I say - that's Monty's rationale).
It's a kind of open secret on Blogstream anyway, but Fat Northern Bastard is actually a creation from the diseased imagination of Dan & I. We have a right old hoot muddling up his accents between Yorkshire, Geordie land and Lancs . (I'm a feckin cockney geezer after all - what do I know about you Northerners!).
Thus far, the emphasis has been on comic absurdity, but, I don't feel compelled to over-theme it, and will include more serious pieces when the fancy takes me. Also, one day I hope Dan pulls his finger out, and makes it a genuinely collaborative venture - he's a right talented lad!
All the best.
~ DeBunkem
PS. If you have any good Scouse phrases we could put in Fat's big fat gob, then let me know. That'd be a reet giggle, eck as leek :)
To be honest, I had never heard of Blogstream till you showed up. The quality of content over there is amazing (although that might just be your friends. I have yet to see a bad blog) while over here 9/10 blogs are shit and/or redundant.
If only blogger and blogstream would have a love child...
I also amazed that Fat Northern Bastard is your creation. What a coincidence that I mention the blog. How do you find the time to write for 3 blogs?
Good scouse phrases? You really don't wanna know... I feel scouse would kinda conflict with the (predominanty Geordie imo) Fat Northern Bastard.
I don't sleep much J.! (Actually, I used to author more blogs, but I've calmed down a bit now). Yes, that Fat Northern Bastard thing is weird innit! Re. the accent: we love fucking with his regional roots. C'mon, let's throw some Scouse in his gob as well.
If you insist... Liverpudlians tend to say "boss" a lot when describing something good e.g. your blog is boss. They also tend to add "like" and "lid/lad" to the end of what they say.
That's actually all I can think of at the moment. If i can remember anymore I'll be sure to inform you.
One of my daughters mates name is"Reeanon" her parents were into Fleetwood Mac..........i think thats sad:(
"Reeanon"! Sad, but funny Gazza.
Of course there is that old tradition of macho dad's giving their sons girls names to toughen them up (Marion/John Wayne; Shirley Crabtree/Big Daddy).
There's a Johnny Cash song called 'A Boy Named Sue' (or something like that), where a boy is given a girl's name to toughen him up. His dad does a runner, and the boy, Sue, is left well pissed off. Many years later he see his old man in a bar and attacks him. They fight to a standstill, and then his dad says that it was obviously character-forming, as he is one tough little bastard.
I wonder if Reeanon will thank her parents one day? (More likely to fight them in bars over that one, I fear!).
Cheers.
~ DeBunkem
thank god you can legally change your name at 18 (or maybe even earlier?)
My spelling was a bit out(?) Rhiannon is how its spelt lovelly girl,terable name, LOL
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